Yiruma!

Josh Groban the High-Light of my Sunday

Heineken Music Hall (02-10-2011)

Very often in films, series or even in real life you hear people talking about the 'High-Light' of there day.

In a very long time or I cannot even remember that I talked or shared the 'High-Light' of my day with anybody. The reason I have not done that is because I do so many fun things in a day. I listen to music and dance on the beat, I hang out with my friends, I stick my head of the window... yeah, if you live 32 stories high and the weather is great, why the h*ll not! I walk up to strangers to talk to them, but most of the times it's because they have a dog I want to play with. I get excited by rubbing my sisters stomach cause I think it's awesome that I am finally becoming an aunt and knowing he/ she is growing inside of her. So aside from all of these things there are many other things that make every day so great for me.

But yesterday? I uhmm... geese it's even so hard to write it down. I just want to write so much at the same time.

Just let me start of from the beginning. A few weeks before my brithday I listened to 'Josh Groban's' music a lot. The reason for that was because I borrowed my brother in-law's iTouch and just openend iTunes and shuffeld the playlist. I LOVE listening to all types of music but most of the times I don't know who the artist of a song is. So at one moment the song 'You raise me up' was playing and I suddenly stopped doing what I was doing. The reason why I did that was because I remembered my dad playing that song sometimes. And I couldn't understand it quite well but I do remember that I like the persons voice who was singing it and also the music.

Whenever I hear certain songs I can't help but thinking about my dad since he passed away.

But that period just before my birthday it was in my daily routine to listen 'Josh Groban's' music. I can remember my sister and brother in-law asking me: Do you really like his music? Do you really like it? Which song do you like etc. And to me all of those questions wern't suspicious until I got a birthday card saying: 'We're giving you a concert ticket to Josh Groban on october 2nd 2011 in A'dam'.

My reaction: (looking at them) are you serious? (looking at my birthday card again and reading it several times) and suddenly my mouth just openend up and I started making all kind of different noises and I did a little dance out of excitement!

So after waiting 5 months, I finally went to his concert. I didn't know what to expect. So I was just constanly thinking what the concert would be like from the moment I woke up, when I was walking outside in the wonderful sunday weather, when I was in the car on my way to Heineken Music Hall in A'dam until I was finally seated.

I was sitting row 12 seat 62. So I had a pretty good few of everything. And the moment the lights were dimming I was very curious what was gonna happen next. And then I heard the orchestra playing and I started to get goose bumps. So from that moment on I really sat on the end of my seat from the beginning to the end of the show. And I think when I finally saw and heard Josh Groban sing in person I almost fell of my seat haha...

I did found it a pitty that I didn't see the stand where I could write down a question and 'Josh Gorban' would answer it. So I really wanted to run to the podium and ask him or actually tell and then ask him: This concert is my 23th birthday present from 5 months ago which I got from my sister and brother in-law. So I was wondering if you would like to sing a belated happy birthday song for me or just give me a belated birthday hug? (I guess I am silly like that).

Aside from my question I wanted to ask him. I enjoyed this artist his voice, the words in the songs, the music

the orchestra made with there instruments and so much more!

But to be honest this concert of this amazing artist is the first one I have been to but it will def. not be my last.

Going to a concert of 'Josh Groban' made me think that he is also very down to earth and simple said "the boy next door". But just like some people he also has an amazing talent he shares with a lot of people without sometimes knowing how much he can touch a person he has never met through his voice, words and music. And that is truly also a gift one can have!

But the high-light of my sunday was:

Hearing Josh Groban sing 'You raise me up' in person and having my sister right next to me!

And the reason why that moment of the whole sunday was my high-light is because I lost my dad in 2007. I never knew that song could touch me so much as it did last night. As I was sitting in the audience everybody suddenly stood up and so did my sister and brother in-law. I wanted to do the same but suddenly tears were rolling down my cheeck and I really started to get emtional and really started to miss my dad again. And even when it happened a few years ago whenever I think back it feels like a week ago. So I actually I will never stop missing him. My sister saw it. And without me saying anything or looking at her she sat down next to me whip my tears and wrapped her arms around me. At that moment she and I were sharing te same feelings without exchanging words.

Life is sometimes very hard and yes, I cry sometimes. And this may sound stupid but I will write it anyway. Yesterday when I was crying and getting emotional so many things went through my head. Sometimes things happen or must happen to you in order to realize some things.

Loosig my dad was the hardest thing that happened to me and I have times that I can't help but crying because I miss him too much. But look at me after four years. I am still standing and looking forward. So why let other things break me, allow them to hurt me and make me cry when those things aren't even the worst things that had happened to me.

Thank you, Josh Groban for your amazing concert in A'dam.

A little bit stronger

Sometimes you have moments where you took an action but don't know, why? You just don't understand it. Sometimes you wake up late one day and you still feel that undiscribable feeling inside from the pain. And still you keep trying to follow that simple little routine you have every day. Cause even through the mess you are in... you get dressed and put a smile on your face! But each day you grow a little bit stronger. Even though you are on your way to some place doens't matter where the end destination is for some reason you keep trying to ignore the hurt. You block everything from the outside and think that by listening to music you'll forget but a stupid song can remind you of that one person for a minute orso and then you change it. You change it because you grow a little bit stronger every time.

And at some point you are done hoping that 'we' can work it out. Cause you are done with so to speak "spinning" your wheels and letting your heart get dragged around. But deep inside you often think if that person would ever change their mind and then you reach that point where you are done thinking or you tell yourself to stop.
Even though you know for yourself that your heart will maybe never be the same but you keep telling yourself you will be oke. And even on your weakest days you tell yourself that.

Getting rid of that feeling never happens in a finger snap or overnight. Cause when you "turn around", a month has already gone by. And at some point you realise that you haven't cried for while. Cause as much as you fight the tears you don't want to give that person another hour, a minute or a second of your tears. Because you are busy getting stronger.

And maybe not everything will be the same anymore but you just keep telling yourself you will be oke. And sometimes you can't even help but thinking how the other person is doing without you.

Reasons

What are reasons? Do you know? A lot of times people say: 'everything happens for a reason'. And whenever you hear that, you may not figure out what the exact reason is right away... but you eventually do. Reasons may have a positive impact and sometimes negative. It's just how you except it, right? You have all different kinds of reasons. You have reasons why something isn't working out, but eventually you benefit from it. You have reasons you are telling someone a lie just for the good of that person or just to protect them from getting hurt. You have reasons why someone is in your life and suddenly disappears.You have reasons why you are so attracted to someone, but at the same time can't figure out anything. No matter how hard you want too. It is what it is. And so on... Some things should not be figured out or actually you just should let it be, right? Because no matter how hard you think that you can have everything you want, you just can't. It just never works that way. But what you can do is always fight for what you believe in. Even if it sounds stupid. The only person that can make you feel good aside from someone else is, yourself. Simple as that. In life we always get disappointed, we get lied too, we get hurt, we cry and so much more. But eventually we grow stronger from all the things that pulled us down and sooner or later we stand up and maybe we do not run right away... but we start by walking again. Getting up and facing something you could not face before... is a start of a new beginning. You always start somwhere. For the person that I am. I am not a hero, a saint or an angel. Sometimes I even give stupid reasons even when they are not needed. So yes, I am not perfect. Nobody is. I am only a person, in this case a woman.

Do you remember?

Do you remember that picture you are looking at right now? Do you remember where it was taken and how you felt? Do you remember telling me that this picture was perfect and should be printed out? Do you remember me telling you: I think so too? And do you remember that I wanted to put it in a frame?

When I printed it out... I stared at that picture for a few minutes. And guess what... all of a sudden I had a feeling that it wasn't that perfect at all.

But for some reason, even though I had that imperfect feeling when looking at our picture, I still wanted that perfect frame. Because maybe that "one" frame would make it complete.


I can also remember telling you, I wanted one that was extraordinary or one that was really different or actually just one that would stand out. So in front of me I had "a million" frames; different sizes, different colours, there were even frames with crystals that they even looked like diamonds. So out of "a million", my first choice was the one with the crystals. I chose that one because I thought it was perfect. But guess what... when I put our picture in that frame, it wasn't perfect at all nor did it look complete.


I was disappointed and wanted to leave it as it was. But I went back. And again I looked... looked at the "million" frames that were in front of me. And you wanna know which one caught my eye this time? It was the one that was the complete opposite of my first choice. It was just simple! And when I put our picture in that frame... guess what it was this time... perfect!


So when I looked at our picture in that simple frame... I fell in love with us. I fell in love with the thought in my head about us. I fell in love with that feeling you give me. Cause looking at that picture reminded me how I felt that very moment that picture was taken. And how I feel till this very day.


And I realized... that we don't have to be perfect at all, because we are simple. We are simple because we don't need any fancy material to make us work, we just make it work. And we make it work because we are ourselves. You are you and I am me. Nothing less and nothing more.

I'll always LOVE you dad!

(No title)

Waking up at six. My day already planned; a simple routine.Keeping busy with things that make me happy and help me to become a better me. Everyday I learn, I make my mistakes. I'm not always eager to confess to it; cause stubborn I am.

I build a shield around me to protect myself. Some see it, some don't. I talk alot to make my point and sometimes I take an action without thinking. Sometimes I think that my heart is in the right place. But seconds after that I don't know where it is. It can be hard to explain but usuallly in time you'll get the explenation why things are the way they are.

The mind can think so much... But if your heart isn't in it, there is no use of doing what you want to do. Putting yourself in the first place and on top of everything can be very difficult. But sometimes you have to let go of things. And after doing that you'll know if that thing that you thought you couldn't live without was really worth holding on to.

As the clock keeps tikking I know i'm not standing still. When I have a bad day, the moment the wind carresses my face I know i'm still living and that tomorrow will be better.

Hearing a childs laughter... makes me think: Why do we "adults" make things so difficult? But that is a part of growing up I guess. Plus... we are all human.

Not understanding life and not figuring out what's on the bottom of the barrel, makes it beautiful! When I look at the sky at night... I don't always see the stars or that full moon that puts me in a trance for as long as I allow it. But I know it's there. Becasue in everything that is dark and often scary you have a light.

And as fragile as a child. I stand tall to get by, no matter how hard I sometimes try to hide it.So when I lay my head on my pillow at night. I may not always have a smile on my face, I can have frown or even shed a tear.

But then I close my eyes, dream away and open them. And then I know... Yesterday was history, tomorrow a mystery and today... a gift; that is why it's called the present.

So when you think you're having a bad day. Always keep in mind that someone out there is having a worst day. So always put that frown upside down; cause a day without a smile or a little laughter... is a day wasted!

Originally written on paper

(I usually don't copy things I write from a piece of paper to my blog. Because I always write things when I really feel like it. And very often I tried to copy a few things I worte on paper to my blog... but then the feeling is gone. But this time I still have that same feeling inside of me when I wrote this in the early morning around 00:21am)