Done with love
It is really sad when you hear people saying ‘I am done with love, I am going to be alone, I am going to be single etc.’
Reason why I find it sad is because there is so much potential for the people out there that say that. And when they say it, for me it is like handing over your potential and saying ‘hey, I am done now. I can never be what I really want to be.’ Of course not everyone shares the same opinion when I say I do see this as an area of potential.
And reason for me saying that is not that you should value yourself based on the relationship or based on the person that you are with but... because there is so much potential to grow around the people we allow ourselves to be around, by the relationships we get ourselves involved with. There is so much opportunity to find out more about who we are. Find out more about people in general. Human nature. There is so much ability to share experiences in the world with someone that is really magical because you cannot quite experience the same thing on your own. But really the potential to discover life in new ways and to grow through the pain of relationships. For me relationships are potential whether they go right or wrong. Relationships just mean potential.
And it is quite sad how people do give up on it because they had past experiences that have not worked out right. And so to say that you hear it quite often especially from woman that man are a certain way because of what they have been through in the past. And that is where some say that they are done and cannot go through the same “cycle” again.
But… we do not have to go through the same cycle we have been through. We could go through a different cycle. But a different cycle will require us to be in a different mindset. It requires us to go at with a different approach. It requires us to try something new. To take risks we never took before.
I am a big believer that in relationships we get the chance to be the person that we want to be. And to me there is where the real experience lies! It is not about every time it is going to go right because by the way there will be moments where you will keep doing everything right, but there will be someone that will still do you wrong. Someone will cheat on you, lie to you, they will do something that will upset you and that can happen in any relationship even when you do things right.
Not because you are doing something right and the other person wrongs you it means you should stop doing what you are doing. Because you start to think that giving your all is not enough. That is not true. Your all was not perfect for that scenario but would have been perfect in another scenario.
We just have to have in our mind what is the big picture and what is the big goal. If the goal is to get it right every time, then that is the problem. Because you cannot get it right all the time and eventually you will say that enough is enough and that you cannot do this because you will never win.
Your goal just has to be firstly that you will be the person you want to be in this world. If that calls for a certain amount of warmth, generosity, affection, being flirtatious, giving intimacy… then you should tell yourself that I am going to allow myself to express those things. If someone does not want to take it the right way or would like to betray me with those things, that is fine because there is always a possibility of that. But then you move on the same way you do with a business deal.
Sometimes you trust someone in a partnership or even just an employee for that matter and they wrong you and you have given them that trust, you get rid of them and you basically move on and just go to the next deal.
It is just like in relationships you start by being who you want to be. And you filter out the people who you know that are doing you wrong.
Instead of making relationships this big goal and thinking: this is going to be my life partner, this is going to be the person I want to have a family with. Instead of going at it like that all we have to do is put it down a notch. Those are all just a biproduct of incredible moments with someone. We need to look to achieve moments and not grand visions, which is just a biproduct.
The best experiences are the ones that are shared. The ones we have with people along the way. So if we take the pressure of something having to be this vision of a life partner and just chunking it down to the immediate moment you would like to have with someone. For e.g. I would like to have a great conversation with someone, I want to cuddle with someone, I want to share a smile with someone or I want go to a café and have a tea and flirt with someone and so on. It just all starts there. You had one amazing moment with this person, what might the next one be. It is just a series of moments that will lead to that ultimate place. And for me this is what makes it so exciting! You just really need to focus on these moments and you do not always need to focus on the big vision all the time.
The big vision always creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time whenever we have a false start.
I do not need you to go out now and say I will find myself a life partner. But what I do want is for you to have the courage to have and create a great moment and you should not deny yourself that connection just because one part of you feels that there is no hope or this is not going to go right. Instead put your excitement and energy in immediate moments in front of you. Because who knows it can turn into something magical if you open up yourself enough to let it happen!