Differences? What is that? Basically something that every single one of us can give an example of. A 5 years old all the way to a 70 year old person. Basically a difference between something or someone is that what is not similar at all; it does not look-a-like, it does not think alike and so on.
Some people like differences, some people don't. And ofcourse that's another difference. For some people a difference between things like objects and mostly people can become a boundry. But for me... I see it as a lesson that I get to learn almost every day.
I grew up with differences. I grew up not to look at someone and start judging because we do not look alike but instead I learned to respect it. I don't start judging nor do I become scared if there is a difference in thinking... doing... handling... I just become more curious. And if I do not feel forced, I will make it work.
Life would basically be quit boring if we would be all similar. I like that I have family members whom I can look at and see the similarities. Ofcourse we have some things in common... but I love it even more because we are still so different. The same with friends. Ofcourse you always have something in common' but what if we'd would all think alike, look-a-like and just know what would happen just before it did would basically make my life boring. I do not know about yours.
And falling for someone you know completely nothing about? It's 'same same but different'. Because you have a rapid beating of the heart. The rapid beating is not... and really it's not about a difference in culture or any of that difference bullsh*t people talk about. It is something that you do not know how to explain but it's just there. Or actually you do know... but you just do not feel like explaining at the moment. You give half because to give all might be too much. You pull back because pushing might end up wrong. One day you have control over everything and the other day you just loose it. Ofcourse you sould never think or even start thinking negative about something that is making you happy or even have doubts. Just let it go... Eventhough it might be scary... Give in because it feels good and honest... And being scrared is oke.
I like being surrounded by differences. Because what I may not see and may not understand the other might clearify for me or just makes me understand it better. Some say in life, you always need to have this 'difference' between people. Some say that difference can become an obsticle. Others say difference can become something beautiful etc.
Normally or depending on what it is, I can say depending on what people say about something or someone... it can usually make me think. In this case something like this does. Difference does mean something to me in a positive aspect but not a negative one. I choose not be negative about it. Because when I look around me? All I see is difference.
I think everyone has at least one time in their life where they had experienced that bittersweet feeling. I always heard people talking about it but I never experienced it nor understood it very well, until now.
That feeling is amazing but "killing" at the same time.
How can you tell someone exactly what you want but at the same time you can't? How can someone be so close but yet so far? How come that person brings out your weakest and your strongest points at the same time? How can that person bring out that creative part of yours, the one you thought you'd lost? How come someone cannot see what you're seeing?
For all of the above, there are reasons. And it doestn't matter what those reasons are, you still see yourself there next to that person because your reasons are endless. Some you understand and you have an explenation for. And for some you don't.
It's just like a river that can be as deep as 12ft. or deeper. You just do not know what's in it unless you will make it across. But because it's so deep you can either find a way to do it yourself or grab someones hand and let them help you. And the only way of doing that is by giving in... by taking... and maybe by slowly letting go... And then you can ask yourself: 'How good can this get?'
Knowing what you want in life and what you don't, usually makes it easier to speak your mind. But what if you reached that point where you thought you would never be? That point where you know exactly what you want and your mind is screaming for the words to come out but they just won't.
Is it fear? Is it... yea... I don't even know what it is myself. You find that feeling of trust, comfort, relaxation, honesty etc. just in one person. Something I find rare as weird as I made it sound. Every now and then you meet people that cross your path. Some stay longer than others and some just come and go. Some will add value to your life and some won't.
No one knows what the future brings but you can always decide what you want and who you let in. Talking about 'your' future and wanting someone to be a part of it may sound like it's something big and complicated. But it's not. We are just human and we make things as complicated as we want them to be. But if the balance is there and the harmony within yourself is present it should be oke.
It might be the fear of loosing someone or that specific person that can make one another silent. Or maybe it just might be the feeling where you tell yourself it's oke as long as you have what you have now.
Not telling the person what you really want, isn't called a lie or hidding a big secret that may end up ruining something. Maybe you're just waiting for that person to pick themselves up from what they've been through and open their eyes and just let them see what will happen next. Even though the fear by looking and the fear of hearing maybe there because you can always loose that person to someone else because of your silence.
Some will tell you:
Be straight forward and say it.
Find that perfect moment and timing.
It's always easier said than done. Because you know so much and at the same time so little about the person. Be straight forward? well sometimes you just have to be. Find that perfect moment and timing? Ofcourse there are always a million perfect moments and timings. But I don't think it's only about being straight forward or the perfect moment or timing. It's about how you feel! If you feel like saying it without hesitating or wanting to think about it too much? Well... then that's that.
As long as you're always telling the truth and most of all it should come from the heart. And ofcourse... you can always be head over heels but you always have a good head on your shoulders and think.
So... should I tell you or should I not?
Should wait and see what happens or shouldn't I waste my time waiting? Or should I just ask you?
Sometimes you have moments where you sell yourself short to one another because you have this weakness of caring too much. You open your heart the moment you start to trust.
But afterwards... you can always have the scars because you tore your heart open.
By tearing your heart open and having scars, will remind you that the past is real. And sometimes you might even ask yourself the question: 'Why do I tear my heart open?'
And surprisingly enough... you never have an answer, because it happens.
You might get disappointed in yourself. And why? Because you let it happen. You gave someone the power to distroy you even when you trusted them not too.
"They" say 'time heals everything!'. And yes, I believe it that saying. Because everybody needs time. Time is just always needed with whatever you do in life. Time is needed to create something beautiful. Time is needed to care for someone. Time is needed when you miss a loved one who has passed away. Time is needed to win someones heart. And so on... Time is just a four letter word but it's meaning is endless!
When you look at your own situation from the outside. It's like standing on the outside like a stranger looking in. Cause eventhough you haven't given everything, you did give something.
Eventhough there is a mess that has been left behind, you can't hate that person. You might miss them. But you will forget and eventually you will let go! Somethings are just gone forever and you just won't give it no more tries only time, because that is the only thing that is needed.
You can get by without that person without having to lie about it. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!
But do be thankfull for what that person brought into your life. Because even when you end up having tears eventually they will dry. The moment the tears dry... all is done and there is nothing to say. You know so much but still there will be nothing to say.
To fall in love may be hard for someone. But falling for betrail is worse! You thought you could build faith and trust and eventually you find out you build it on empty words and promisses.
So the times comes when all is done and there is nothing say.
Gloria Annemarie Dubois is my name. I was born on the 25th of april 1988, in Paramaribo - Suriname. I was raised in Suriname but I curently live in Dubai, where I am working for a local airline. Living in Dubai is for now, my life! But before moving here I lived in Holland, Rotterdam where I was studying financial services management in college. When I was younger I wanted to become a veterinarian cause I really loved animals, or let me just say: I actually still do! But I am afraid of of bats though...
I have a little bit of asian, african-american, caucasion, indian, indonesian and french blood. I'm also the youngest of five. I love dancing and oh my goshh.... I love singing kareoke (it makes me happy, so why the h*ll not?) I just like having fun! I'm not as serious as I look sometimes. But if I have to and it concerns certain things, I will be... No doubt about that. I'm also unpredictable and spontaneous, that I even surprise myself sometimes. I love adventures and I really like to go fishing (I know that sounds super dorky...) I can sit for hours just to catch one fish. I'm also sucker for compliments. Sometimes i'm really confident and sometimes I feel really insecure. Hey, we are all human right? I'm creative and immaginative and curious about everything.
MY FAMILIY means the world to me! I always try to be sympathetic and supportive or I atleast try to be. I'm opinionated and stubborn and I always try to see the best in people, even if they sometimes annoy me. I also hate it when people try to make me feel guilty to get their way. But hey, this is it for now!