I'll always LOVE you dad!

(No title)

Waking up at six. My day already planned; a simple routine.Keeping busy with things that make me happy and help me to become a better me. Everyday I learn, I make my mistakes. I'm not always eager to confess to it; cause stubborn I am.

I build a shield around me to protect myself. Some see it, some don't. I talk alot to make my point and sometimes I take an action without thinking. Sometimes I think that my heart is in the right place. But seconds after that I don't know where it is. It can be hard to explain but usuallly in time you'll get the explenation why things are the way they are.

The mind can think so much... But if your heart isn't in it, there is no use of doing what you want to do. Putting yourself in the first place and on top of everything can be very difficult. But sometimes you have to let go of things. And after doing that you'll know if that thing that you thought you couldn't live without was really worth holding on to.

As the clock keeps tikking I know i'm not standing still. When I have a bad day, the moment the wind carresses my face I know i'm still living and that tomorrow will be better.

Hearing a childs laughter... makes me think: Why do we "adults" make things so difficult? But that is a part of growing up I guess. Plus... we are all human.

Not understanding life and not figuring out what's on the bottom of the barrel, makes it beautiful! When I look at the sky at night... I don't always see the stars or that full moon that puts me in a trance for as long as I allow it. But I know it's there. Becasue in everything that is dark and often scary you have a light.

And as fragile as a child. I stand tall to get by, no matter how hard I sometimes try to hide it.So when I lay my head on my pillow at night. I may not always have a smile on my face, I can have frown or even shed a tear.

But then I close my eyes, dream away and open them. And then I know... Yesterday was history, tomorrow a mystery and today... a gift; that is why it's called the present.

So when you think you're having a bad day. Always keep in mind that someone out there is having a worst day. So always put that frown upside down; cause a day without a smile or a little laughter... is a day wasted!

Originally written on paper

(I usually don't copy things I write from a piece of paper to my blog. Because I always write things when I really feel like it. And very often I tried to copy a few things I worte on paper to my blog... but then the feeling is gone. But this time I still have that same feeling inside of me when I wrote this in the early morning around 00:21am)

De invloed van een roddel

Ik kan de invloed die andere mensen op mij hebben niet permiteren. Er zijn gevallen waar mensen vechten, ruzie maken en zelfs aan moord denken, omdat ze door een roddel worden beïnvloed, ze worden beïnvloed door woorden van anderen.

Waaraan heb ik het te danken dat ik niet door roddel wordt beïnvloed..? Negativiteit in de geest en in de gedachten is zoals vergift. Negatieve gedachten zijn de zaden van negatieve acties.

Het kan lijken op een eenvoudige alledaagse iets...

- Zoals een vriend of een kennis die mij in het striktste vertrouwen verteld dat zo'n persoon is zoals dit en die en die doet dat. Ik luister en neem het soms zelfs aan zonder een vraag te stellen.

Mijn houding en acties worden nu door de woorden van deze vriend of kennis beïnvloed. Maar hoe ik met de geven informatie zal omgaan zal ik zelf voor moeten kiezen. Ik denk dat een ieder dat moet doen. Omdat niet alles is zoals de ander het door verteld.

Roddels en raden brengen leed, zwaarte en vooral wantrouwen. Vergift kan in vele vermommingen binnenkomen. Maar vergift is vergift als het nou komt van een vriend of vijand.

Crossing paths

Before I wrote this blog, I was busy with anohter one for almost an half hour orso. For some reason I stopped to much to think what I wanted to wirte and what I didn't. So I decided not to publish that one. Because my blog is something where I put my heart in and def. all of my thoughts without really having a pause.

Yesterday I had a very weird moment. Where I was thinking that sometimes I don't know who I am. That I keep figuring out who I really am. Even if it means making a mistake or doing somethings by the "book".

Some people cross your path for a reason and sometimes you cross theirs. The reason that happens you sometimes know right away and sometimes you don't know it at all. But they are just there...

Whenever you look at these people who cross your path, you might think you will think of a million things. But sometimes you just look without thinking about anything at all.
Your mind is just at ease and your biggest worry is... nothing!

It's just the way you look at each other without wishing each other something bad.

When your life is going great, no worries, troubles etc., they are gone. But when you think you've reached the moment where your world will collapse; there they are!
Without you calling them or wishing for someone to be there for you. Just like an angel...

But when you feel that the point came that you have to move on and leave behind what had happenend or what you've learned from each other... it will or can be easy to do so and also very difficult.

Sometimes you don't know anything about this person or so little or sometimes you even know alot. Maybe trust isn't fully there, sometimes it is. It's just strange at some points and also very hard to explain.

But sooner or later you create a bond with this person and when you reached the moment you know you have to let go... everything will be oke! Cause if you think forward and how you will react if you will see each other again. Doesn't matter how long that might be, but there are only positive things. And surely there will be an exchange of smiles.

But then also... you have moments where you can't let go. No matter how hard you try. Sometimes you just feel you have to be there for that person even though you don't really know what the purpose is. But you just have to be there and it's the feeling you have.

Experience is the word everybody gives to their mistakes. Making a mistake in life is not bad at all, because you will always learn from it and see things from another angle.

Sometimes you can hold on to this 'stranger' who crossed your path. And he or she will create a feeling in you, that even the person who is close to your heart cannot reveal. When you think you are alone or need to be alone to think or think you can do it better alone; it can surprise you!
Because when you think that the best things are the things that come from your deepest thoughts... it's actually that what comes from your heart.
Just the fact when you think it's holding on that will make you a stronger person, it's acutally letting everything go...


De meeste dingen niet mogen zijn slecht voor het geweten, maar goed voor de ziel... by J.R.V.

'Eleven Minutes'

Once upon a time... That's how the book 'Eleven Minutes' by Paulo Coelho started. And why it started like that I didn't quite understand while I was reading the first few pages. But after I kept reading this book, page after page, word after word all the way to the end... I finally understood why the book started with those four words.

I got this book from a friend of mine, the first time I saw that book, it was next to her bed. I saw it, picked it up, looked through the pages and put it back. But after a few minutes I spontaneously asked her if I could borrow that book... and she said yes.

So Rachel, thank you for borrowing me your book.

When it was time for me to go home I put the book in my bag; and when I got in my room I was telling myself: today your'e going to read it. But "today" took me a few days to get there.

But oh am I glad I opened that book. In the beginning it was slow reading... But the more pages I started to turn over... the more this book took me along for the adeventure.

I could find myself in that book. I could see the character called 'Maria' as myself, except for the prostitution part... but for the person she was; strong, driven, confident and so much more. She had times that she was afraid, but she never let her guard down. Even when there where obstacles along her way she kept pushing herself. She also kept developing herself in any way she could.

This character... wait, actually I don't even want to call her a character cause she seems so real. This woman called 'Maria' is simply amazing! Maybe I found her so amazing because I could see myself in this woman. It's like the writer of this book took a few pieces of my life, pieces of my life till this very day and put it in this story. Which ofcourse, is simply impossible, so it's just a thought I have.

This strong woman who told herself she would not fall in love with anyone, because she had made a promise to herself and was not planning on backing down, fell in love. She fell in love with a famous painter called 'Ralf Hart' she met by chance.

In the beginning she didn't want to admit to the feelings she had for this man. But the more she fought it, the more she realized she's in love with him and all she thought about was him, she really desired this man and oh how did she love to spent time with him.

The relation 'Maria' and 'Ralf Hart' had with each other was just wonderful, it was not perfect... but simply wondeful. There was affection, they understood each other, they cared deeply for one another, they respected each other, they had the feeling of comfort and also of trust everytime they were together. But the only problem they both had, was that they couldn't or let me just say that they both find it very hard to tell the other person how they really feel.

But the way he touched her body, oh this man had magic hands. Just the way he looked at her could make her tremble. She enjoyed every touch of his hands over her body. With this men she felt like a virgin, she was very careful, but also very curious about his body.

Although 'Maria' and 'Ralf Hart' didn't have a relationship with each other; the attraction from both sides were very strong. This man was a romantic and had far more experience then she had. He does not really show his romantic side to her for they don't have a relationship with each other. But he's just a romantic not knowing what kind of signals he sends out.

He's that man that 'Maria' was constantly thinking about right after they met. He's the man she wanted to give up everything for and just be happy with him. He's the man she learned so much about and who challenged her. He's the man she will always love dearly.

The book 'Eleven Minutes' by Paulo Coelho didn't only let me think about the things I wrote earlier. But there were so many parts in that story where I could find myself; me being almost in the same stituations or thinking the same as one of the characters. This book is about alot of things... it's not just about the hot sex scenes or about prostitution and all of the other things you might read in it. This book is simply about the few little or big facts in life which you will maybe understand a little better if you read this book.

Altijd heb ik je lief.