I think everyone has at least one time in their life where they had experienced that bittersweet feeling. I always heard people talking about it but I never experienced it nor understood it very well, until now.
That feeling is amazing but "killing" at the same time.
How can you tell someone exactly what you want but at the same time you can't? How can someone be so close but yet so far? How come that person brings out your weakest and your strongest points at the same time? How can that person bring out that creative part of yours, the one you thought you'd lost? How come someone cannot see what you're seeing?
For all of the above, there are reasons. And it doestn't matter what those reasons are, you still see yourself there next to that person because your reasons are endless. Some you understand and you have an explenation for. And for some you don't.
It's just like a river that can be as deep as 12ft. or deeper. You just do not know what's in it unless you will make it across. But because it's so deep you can either find a way to do it yourself or grab someones hand and let them help you. And the only way of doing that is by giving in... by taking... and maybe by slowly letting go... And then you can ask yourself: 'How good can this get?'
Knowing what you want in life and what you don't, usually makes it easier to speak your mind. But what if you reached that point where you thought you would never be? That point where you know exactly what you want and your mind is screaming for the words to come out but they just won't.
Is it fear? Is it... yea... I don't even know what it is myself. You find that feeling of trust, comfort, relaxation, honesty etc. just in one person. Something I find rare as weird as I made it sound. Every now and then you meet people that cross your path. Some stay longer than others and some just come and go. Some will add value to your life and some won't.
No one knows what the future brings but you can always decide what you want and who you let in. Talking about 'your' future and wanting someone to be a part of it may sound like it's something big and complicated. But it's not. We are just human and we make things as complicated as we want them to be. But if the balance is there and the harmony within yourself is present it should be oke.
It might be the fear of loosing someone or that specific person that can make one another silent. Or maybe it just might be the feeling where you tell yourself it's oke as long as you have what you have now.
Not telling the person what you really want, isn't called a lie or hidding a big secret that may end up ruining something. Maybe you're just waiting for that person to pick themselves up from what they've been through and open their eyes and just let them see what will happen next. Even though the fear by looking and the fear of hearing maybe there because you can always loose that person to someone else because of your silence.
Some will tell you:
Be straight forward and say it.
Find that perfect moment and timing.
It's always easier said than done. Because you know so much and at the same time so little about the person. Be straight forward? well sometimes you just have to be. Find that perfect moment and timing? Ofcourse there are always a million perfect moments and timings. But I don't think it's only about being straight forward or the perfect moment or timing. It's about how you feel! If you feel like saying it without hesitating or wanting to think about it too much? Well... then that's that.
As long as you're always telling the truth and most of all it should come from the heart. And ofcourse... you can always be head over heels but you always have a good head on your shoulders and think.
So... should I tell you or should I not?
Should wait and see what happens or shouldn't I waste my time waiting? Or should I just ask you?